WE LOVE YOU CHIRS AND ALL MISS YOU SO MUCH. WE HAVE SO MANY WONDERFUL MEMORIES OF YOU AND THEY AND YOU ARE WITH US ALWAYS INFLUENCING WHAT WE THINK AND DO.
WE OF COURSE WISH YOU COULD BE HERE WITH US IN BODY AS WELL AS IN SPIRIT. IT IS 6 MORE WEEKS OF WINTER FOR US I GUESS IN HEAVEN THE WEATHER IS WHATEVER YOU WISH......
LOVE, MOM
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Two Years / Dad
Today is two years since you left us.
What have I learned in two years? Not remotely as much as I would have hoped. I have learned that true love does not diminish over time, I have learned that true pain and sorrow does not diminish over time. I have learned that some memories fade slowly as time passes, that is a very saddening thing, my memories of things we all did together seem to slip away, just little details...little facts...conversations...time can be cruel.
I think of you every time I wake up in the morning, without fail, you are usually the last thing I think about when I go to sleep.
I truly cherish the time we had together, you were truly a wonderful son and friend. We have lost so much, we are putting the pieces of our existence back together very, very slowly, it is much more difficult that I could have imagined, but then again, there have been many times when I was sure we would not make it this long without you.
Please watch over your mother and comfort her if you can. I can see the toll your loss has taken on her emotionally and physically, she puts on a brave face but I know how much she still hurts inside, I can see the suffering and sadness.
As far as I am concerned, I am taking things day by day, some are better and some are worse, but I am plowing through everything the best I can. At times the grief is such a heavy weight on me that I still find it so difficult to function correctly or interact with anyone other than mom. She understands and does not judge or pressure me. That is one of the only comforts I have, my shared grief and pain with mom. I do not think that either of us would be able to go through your loss alone, and I am very thankful for her.
I love you buddy. You are always in my thoughts and in my heart, I look forward to the day I can see you again.
Thinking about you / Janice Shriver (grandmother) It is hard to believe it has been more than 20 months since we lost you, Chris. On Sept 11th I found myself remembering the night you were born & how you let lose a stream that hit the doctor in the face. She remarked "guess he is going to be a lawyer, peeing on a doctor." I remember how thrilled I was to be present at your birth & then I cried. We all miss you & I expect we always will. It doesn't seem fair that you were with us for such a short period of time.
This year, for Day of the Dead (Nov 2) we will be building an alter in your honor. It will contain all of the traditional things that will serve to further remind us of you. As a Mexican friend (who was getting me copal for the alter since I had no clue where to get it) said "Maybe the dead know we are honoring them by building an alter & maybe they don't. The important thing is that we remember them" We will be remembering and thinking of you as we observe "Dia de los Muertos" as always.
The passage of time / Dad
Today is your 20th birthday....September 11, 2008.... It has been over 20 months since you left us...20 months, I cannot believe that is has been so long... Some of the time that has passed is very clear, but it has mostly been a blur, almost like a bad dream.
I cannot sleep tonight...I have tried, but it is not going to happen, I fear. The dogs (Rex, Abigail and Sid) are sleeping in my bed and I am sure they are enjoying taking my place tonight.
There are still so many difficult days and nights I go through thinking about you, I am so sad that you are "frozen in time" at the age of 18.
There is not a day that passes that I do not think of you and look back fondly on the many, many good times we all shared.
Your picture is on my computer screen at work, and there are many times when I talk to you and ask your opinion about things I am contemplating!
The pain is so great, the ache in my chest and heart is still almost unbearable, I cannot stand the thought of you being gone. I do not want my memories to get cloudy, I do not want my grief to be dulled by the passage of time.
I go into your room occasionally and lay in your bed, I sit in your chair at your desk, I look out of your window, I miss you so much Chris, my heart is broken, it is broken forever...
I love you, and I miss you!
Dad
Remembering when we danced......... / Mom
Chris,
As I lay in bed each night I close my eyes and remember the feeling of holding you and the feeling of both of your hands in my hands as we danced........
I talked you into taking those ballroom dancing classes with me, and you agreed although you made me promise not to tell anyone as I am sure you figured your friends and others would give you a hard time. I told you that it would not be too many years until you would be attending the weddings of friends and maybe even your own and that girls really liked a guy that could dance so this would be a good skill for you to learn. I don't really think that this is what convinced you to take the classes with me, I think you really took them to make me happy, but you were such a good sport when we went and a far better dancer than I could ever hope to be. We were the only mother and son, all other couples were traditional, and so many people commented to me how wonderful it was that I had a son that would take these classes with me.
I always imagined that one day we would be at a wedding and that we would go out on the dance floor and show off those dancing skills that no one knew we had. I also imagined that many girls would be impressed by your dancing skills over the next decade. I never imagined that you would never get to even use these skills. None the less, I am so glad to have taken these classes with you. The memories of laughing together as we tried to master these skills, of holding you in may arms and your hands in mine are so precious. When close my eyes I can sometimes feel the feeling of dancing with you and look so forward to the day when I might dance with you again in heaven.
I miss and love you so and can't wait until the day when we can dance together once again.
Love, Mom
What a wonderful son! / Sandy Nyenhuis Jacob's Mom (Stopping by to say hello ) Your hearts must ache to have Christopher (Chris) back in your arms again. What a handsome and wonderful young man he is. To read about Chris is like reading about my own son. They sound so similar (except for the part about keeping his room neat). Our journey of pain and suffering began only 3 months before yours did. We understand how every day is still a struggle. Just trying to figure out how to go on for another 30 or so years without Chris is daunting isn't it? He was your life, your heart, your soul, your flesh and blood. Our hearts cry out with yours for this pain to end.
Shortly after our son's death we received a card with the following:
These thoughts were found engraved on a Carmelite Monastery wall in Tallow County, Waterford, Ireland. They are believed to have been carved into the stone during the first century. The wording has been translated into modern-day language.
Death is nothing at all … I have only slipped away into the next room. What-ever we were to each other, that we are still. Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way which you always used. Laugh as we always laughed together. Play, smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name be the household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without effort. Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was; there is absolutely unbroken continuity. Why should I go out of your mind because I am out of your sight? I am but waiting for you for an interval somewhere very near just around the corner. All is – nothing is past; nothing is lost. One brief moment and all will be just as it was before … only better, infinitely happier and forever … we will all be one together in Christ.
Somehow those words brought us comfort, and we hope they will do the same for you. Nothing can make the pain go away except to be with Chris again as a family, and we understand that completely.
The words Chris's father wrote brought tears to my eyes. Chris WILL be your teacher in the afterlife. He now knows so many things we cannot possibly understand while we are yet here. Keep your eyes and ears open for a sign from Chris. Perhaps a dream will come your way that brings you peace. One way or another it will happen. Don't be afraid of sounding crazy when it happens either. You might even get the sign through a friend who has an experience or dream.
It may be awhile before you have any desire to pick up a book, but the most exciting book we have read since Jacob's death is Heaven by Randy Alcorn. This book was clearly written from a Christian perspective, so it won't mean much to you unless you are open to that viewpoint. My husband and I NEVER knew Heaven was such an amazingly exciting and tangible place. Intra Muros by Rebecca Reuter Springer is another fabulous depiction of heaven. They have also republished the book under a different title like My Journey to Heaven. Everyone who I've shared this book with has been encouraged and comforted.
I hope I have not offended you in any way by speaking of my faith or heaven. If I have, please forgive me. My ONLY desire is to offer you hope and peace in something I believe is so much more than just wishful thinking.
My husband and I have had signs from God and our son Jacob that indicate a clear reality of life after death. Many of those signs have been given to people around us, but we have had a few ourselves. Some can only be described as supernatural in nature. My husband and I are not prone to these kind of experiences, so they come as a complete surprise to us. We desire the same for you. The comfort they bring is wonderful.
May you know that Chris's life is far from over. In fact, he is more alive than ever before. I have no easy answers as to why his life here could not have been longer. This place needs more young men like Chris, not less--unless there is something much bigger going on here than we can possibly understand at this point. I suspect that's the case.
Blessings to you!
Thinking about you... / Stephen Danner (Father) May 29, 2007
Christopher, my wonderful son, I want you to know that I think of you constantly.
William and I drove up to the site of your accident this Memorial Day weekend, and I feel so devastated. I do not want to go there, but I do not want to leave there either. I sift through the small amount of remaining debris looking for something, anything, that might have been yours even though I know there is nothing left but small scraps of metal, rubber and plastic, so I mostly walk in circles and cry.
Your memorial cross that your Uncle Steve built with such skill and care still looks wonderful, your name that Erica painted on your cross looks perfect, The picture with your handsome face is still intact and weather-tight.
I go into meetings for work, and someone might say something and I will just start crying, sometimes I am at my desk and I will start to cry, I cry while driving my car and riding my bike...everything reminds me of you. I am a shell of my former self.
I am trying to comfort and care for mom as much as I can, I love her so much, and I know how much she meant to you, and you to her. I am doing the best as I can, and I always will. Mom and I both pray for a sign from you, anything, just a sign that you are ok, that you are in a better place. If we know that, hopefully we will begin to heal. We are looking for you every day and night in our dreams and thoughts.
School will be out next Tuesday, and we will never get to see you graduate High School. I have always had pictures in my mind of hugging you when you graduated and telling you how proud I am of you. We have no pictures of you from your Senior Prom, that was last week, I am so heartbroken, I feel so dead and sick inside. I can tell you that a couple of months ago, I thought I was moving forward in a positive direction, but I have come to the sad conclusion that I am just deluding myself. It is going to take much time and patience, and compassion.
I know that Mom and I will come out of this tragedy stronger, and hopefully with a better understanding of life and love. It is Mom's and my duty to remain the bearers of your memory, we are your legacy now. A legacy of unconditional love and friendship, a legacy of devotion and caring, and sensitivity.
Wherever you are now, we will eventually be together again for as long as you want, I feel deep down inside that people in the afterlife will and do move on just as in life here, so you are already ahead of me. Maybe you will become my mentor and teacher in the afterlife, that would be my hope and dream, to be reunited someday and continue the relationship we had. Until that time I am in pain and grief, but I know every passing day brings te possibility of us being together again just that much closer.
We love you so very much, and always will my son.
Happy Easter Chris/ Fluffer / Chris's Mom
HAPPY EASTER CHRIS
We Love you and are thinking of you as always. We wish so much that you could be here with us. Love, Mom & Dad
Thinking of you / Jo-Ann~mom Of Angel~Lauren Pacenta (Another broken hearted mom ) Dear Beth, I have tried so many times to respond to your beautiful tribute, but couldn't get past the tears. My heart aches for you and for me. We lost two wonderful children. I have read about Chris and he seems so kind and compassionate like Lauren. Maybe they were too gentle for this world. Their birthdays are close. So many similarities. Lauren and I had a great relationship and for that I will always be thankful. At one point she got rather distant and when I asked her about it, she said "Teenagers are not supposed to talk to their parents." Probably one of her friend's attitudes, because it didn't last long. She was so sensitive and hurt easily. I love all that you have written about Chris, I feel like I know him. I also feel that he and Lauren must have met. I often feel if the parents connect, our children also connect. I worry about Lauren also. It doesn't end because they are not on this earth anymore. I heard someone say, we continue to parent their memories. I believe that. Thank you and I hope Lauren and Chris are sitting on a rock somewhere, with beautiful flowers surrounding them and just talking about their lives. May you have a gentle and blessed Easter, I will be thinking about you and your son. Love, Jo-Ann Lauren's mom - always and forever
Thinking of You Today and Always Chris. / Chris's Mom
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