 Timeline |
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| September 11th, 1988 1:55am |
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Born in Baltimore Maryland on September 11, 1988 at 1:55 am. Born at 37 weeks gestation, Chris was 6lbs, 1oz and 19 inches long. His APGAR score was 7/9. |
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| September 11th, 1988 |
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Everyone was excited, a beautiful little boy! |
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| Spring 89 |
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Chris's 1st Easter |
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| Summer 1989 |
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At Heidi and Erica's Birthday Party, sumer 1989. |
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| October 31, 1989 |
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Chris dresses as a girl for his second Halloween. 1 year old. |
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| December 1989 |
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Chris's 2nd Christmas. |
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| September 1990 |
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Chris's 2nd Birthday. |
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| 1991 |
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Heidi, Chris and Erica. |
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| December 1991 |
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Chris and Cayliegh. |
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| Early spring 1992 |
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Erica, Chris, Heidi and Mom. |
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| July 1992 |
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Chris moves to the farm. Picture taken September 1st 1992. |
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| 1992 |
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Chris's preschool class at Granite Baptist Church. |
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| Septmber 1993 |
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First day of Kindergarten. Getting on the bus the first day of school. Chris and William pictured.
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| November or December 1993 |
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Family Photo for Christmas. |
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| September 1994 |
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At the farm house, Chris's 6th birthday. |
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| Fall 1994 |
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Chris plays soccer for Arden |
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| Fall 1995 |
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Second grade school picture. |
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| December 24th 1995 |
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Chris haning up his stocking for Santa on Christmas Eve of 1995. |
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| Christmas 1995 |
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Lost front top tooth. |
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| Winter/ Spring 1996 |
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No front top teeth. |
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| 1996 |
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Playing Soccer for the Bowie Boys and Girls Club, 1996. |
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| September 1996 |
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First day of 3rd grade. Waiting for the bus eating a pop tart and holding a box of Kleenex. |
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| September 1996 |
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8th Birthday |
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| 1997 |
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Wrestling in Bowie. William and Chris pictured. |
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| September 1997 |
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9th Birthday. Chris and Erica pictured. |
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| Fall 1997 |
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School picture, 4th grade. |
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| Easter Break 1998 |
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Camping trip to Virginia, Tennessee, Mississippi, Florida and Georgia. Chris pictured near Savannah Georgia. |
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| Fall 1998 |
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5th grade school picture. |
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| Spring 1998 |
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Baseball in Bowie |
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| Summer 1998 |
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At the beach near Grandma and Grandpa's with family. |
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| July 1998 |
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3 week camping trip to Minnesota, South Dakota, Wyoming, Montana and Colorado. |
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| December 1998 |
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Family Christmas Photo, December 1998. |
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| June 1999 |
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Kenilworth Elementary School Graduation. 5th grade graduation. |
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| Summer 1999 |
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Camping trip to Maine, Nova Scotia, Prince Edward Island and New Brunswick. At the encouragement of his sisters, Chris dresses as Anne of Green Gables, PEI. |
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| June 2000 |
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Heidi's high school graduation party. Chris in the front. |
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| Summer 2000 |
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Camping in Delaware at Cape Henlopin Park. Chris at the campground beach. |
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| September 2000 |
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12th Birthday. |
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| Fall 2000 |
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Visiting his sister, Heidi, at St. Mary's College. William and Chris pictured. |
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| December 2000 |
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Move from Maryland to Iowa. We get two Golden Retrievers- Abigail in December 2000, and Rex in January 2001. Chris Pictured with Rex, probably in January or February 2001. |
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| Spring 2001 |
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Schmick Elementary School Graduation. 6th grade graduation. |
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| August 2001 |
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Waiting for the bus in Iowa, first day of 7th grade. |
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| Fall 2002 |
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Chris's first formal dance. Chris and his date Martha. Martha was nearly a foot taller than Chris at that time. |
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| Christmas 2002 |
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Chris, Heidi and Chloe Moon 2002. |
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| October, 2004 |
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Chris and Crissy go to Homecomming |
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| August 2005 |
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In the pre-op area pre jaw surgery. Chris could cross his eyes like nonne other and swirl them around in opposite directions. It was truly dreadful looking. He was just having fun. |
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| September 11th 2005 |
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Chris's 17th Birthday. Two weeks after Chris's jaw surgery, he had ice cream cake as you can see in his mouth. Chris always liked ice cream cake and wasn't a big fan of regular cake. If you look at the birthday pictures over the years, you will see it was almost always ice cream cake. Sometimes homemade, sometimes from Dairy Queen and, sometimes from Carvelle. |
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| September 25th, 2005 |
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Chloe Moon's 3rd Birthday. Chris held Chloe Moon on his lap so that she can enjoy her Birthday celebration. Chris loved Chloe moon. They would play hide and seek (Chris hid from Chloe Moon and she would look for him), chase (Chloe Moon would chase Chris around and around the stairwell or some other object- Chris would make headway on smooth surfaces where Chloe Moon would slide, but Chloe Moon always gained on him on the carpet), and, of course, they would play fetch. Chris also took her swimming. I would often send Chloe Moon in to get Chris up. I would tell her "go get your brother," she would jump on his bed and root inder the covers with her nose to find him and he would try to keep his face covered up. She would usually snort on his face when she finally got to him. He would have her lay on his bed and would usually pet her for a few minutes before getting up. |
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| September 11th, 2006 Monday |
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18th Birthday. |
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| September 2006 |
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Chris starts his job as a Quality Control Technician for Baltimore Rh Typing Laboratory. |
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| October 28th, 2006 |
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Chris plans on going to homecomming with his friend Crystal, but does not make it because they get in a car accident on their way there. No one is injured. |
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| November 30th, 2006 |
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Chris starts his job at Best Buy working in the media department. He was hired as a seasonal employee, but was very enthusiastic and proud to have this job. He wanted to stay on after the holidays and was working very hard to show his value. |
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| December 2nd, 2006 |
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Chris takes his SAT.
His test results arrived 1/11/07. We are all very pleased and proud of his scores. |
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| December 10th, 2006 |
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Chris goes bowling after work with his new friends from Best Buy. He was so pleased to be meeting new people and making new friends. |
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| December 11th, 2006 |
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Chris meets with the US Airforce recruiter to discuss a career as a pilot. Chris has already taken his ASVAB testing and has qualified for any job the Airforce has to offer. |
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| December 14th, 2006 |
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Chris meets again with the Airforce recruiter and makes arrangements to have his complete physical exam on December 20th. |
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| December 16th and 17th |
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When not at work, Chris spends his weekend playing World of Warcraft on-line. He and his Dad have their laptops set up together on the dining room table. They play together on-line while watching TV and have lots of snacks. |
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| December 18th, 2006 |
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Chris comes home from school and takes a nap, which he often did. He gets up to eat Chinese food for dinner. He is sleepy but says he has homework to do. |
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| December 19th, 2006 |
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Passed away on December 19, 2006 at the age of 18. Chris was driving his Chevy truck and lost control of the vehicle going up onto a guardrail, and flying through the air into the cement piling of an overpass. The truck burst into flames seconds after impact. Chris, who always wore his seatbelt, was likely killed on impact. There were no drugs or alcohol involved. Perhaps Chris was messing with his cell phone or radio, looked away and did not come out of the turn in the road correctly thus striking the guardrail. The 9-1-1 call was made at 9:27 am and Chris last sent or received a text message at 09:20 am. There were no passengers in the truck and no other cars involved. We later received Chris's bank card statement and saw that he stopped for breakfast at McDonalds, so his last meal was McDonalds, probably a sausage egg and cheese McGriddle, a hashbrown and a coke.
What is written below was written by Karen Kaskel, a passerby who saw Chris just moments after his accident. She attended Chris's memorial service and was the last one to see Chris's beautiful face. We are so sorry that she had to witness the tragedy, but so thankful that she shared this memory with us as we are so greatful to know that Chris did not suffer as his truck burned. Thank you again Karen for sharing this with us.
"I never had the opportunity to meet Chris, but I was there during those final moments and I know that I will carry him in my heart forever. His beautiful angelic face has been etched in my mind and will stay there for the rest of my life. Thank you for sharing all your memories of Chris and helping me get to know him so much more. There isn't a minute that goes by that I am not thinking about him and your family. " Karen Kaskel
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| Published 12/24/2006 "The Capital" Annapolis MD |
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Christopher Danner
Christopher Gabriel Danner, 18, a resident of Millersville since Nov. 2005 and formerly a five-year resident of Iowa City, Iowa, died at the scene of an automobile accident on Route 43 westbound in White Marsh on Dec. 19.
Born Sept. 11, 1988, in Baltimore, Mr. Danner resided in the Millersville and Bowie areas until December 2000, when he moved to Iowa City. There he attended Schimick Elementary, Southeast Junior High and City High School, where he wrestled in his sophomore year and was a member of the Old Capital Rowing Team in 2004. Currently he was attending Old Mill High School in Millersville as a senior, looking into joining the Air Force after graduation and becoming a pilot.
He worked for Baltimore Rh Typing Laboratory in Baltimore as a quality control technician and at Best Buy at Arundel Mills Mall in the media department.
His interests included hanging out with friends, watching movies, playing video games, paintball, go-carting and listening to music.
Surviving are his parents, Steve and Beth Danner of Millersville; three sisters, Heidi Danner, Erica Danner of Iowa City, Iowa, and April Danner of Glen Burnie; one brother, William Danner of Millersville; and grandparents, Linda Yogodka and Jan and George Shriver, all of Ajijc, Mexico.
Memorial services will be held at 3 p.m. on Wednesday at Mount Carmel United Methodist Church, 4760 Mountain Road, Pasadena. Burial is private. Arrangements are by the Barranco and Sons Severna Park Funeral Home.
In lieu of flowers, memorial contributions can be made to the Christopher Danner Memorial Fund, BEI, 1123 Beaver St., Bristol, PA 19007. Online condolences can be made to www.barrancofuneralhome.com
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| 1/19/2007 One Month Since I Lat Saw You |
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It has been a month since you left us. It has taken me this long to have the courage to put any of my feelings into writing.
My heart has been torn from my chest...I am unable to fully describe the incredible pain and constant hopelessness that I feel.
Every hour of every day seems empty and hollow. The sun does not shine as bright. The nights do not bring an easy sleep, and to get up in the morning to face another day is more difficult than the day before.
The terrible realization that you will not be coming home to us sinks in deeper every day, and with it comes such anguish.
I have lost a son and an irreplaceable friend. Yes you were my dear, dear friend. Someone that I respected, and loved, and admired. You made me so very proud, I knew that when it really came down to it, I could always count on you to be there.
I had such great hopes for you, such hopes....
For you to be gone is such a cruel tragedy. You had such potential. So much intelligence, compassion and sensitivity.
I keep telling myself not to be selfish and wallow in self-pity, I know it would not make you happy. I want to be strong in your memory...unfortunately, I know that I am not as strong a man as you probably thought. I am doing the best I can, that is all I can do.
I can say that I have learned from what has happened...That I should not take anything or anyone for granted, as they could be gone in an instant...I have learned that you can never love someone too much...
I was reading earlier this evening when I found a poem that has great relevance to how I feel:
I walked a mile with Pleasure,
She chattered all the way;
But left me none the wiser
For all she had to say.
I walked a mile with Sorrow
And ne’er a word said she;
But all the things I learned from her
When sorrow walked with me.
-Robert Browning Hamilton
You see, I have also learned that sorrow is a great, yet terrible thing. This great sorrow has compelled me to look at life differently. I have come to the unnerving realization that most of us are so horribly misguided for the majority of our lives. We chase after money and material possesions, and worry about petty things when we should cherish every moment we have together, and appreciate the gift of life.
I will miss watching Anchorman and Family Guy with you, and then making mom crazy by repeating the cheesy lines back to each other. I will miss sitting with you and playing World of Warcraft; I will miss going shopping with you; I will miss working side-by-side with you; I will miss eating meals with you; I miss hearing you come into the house and saying "hey daddy-o".
I miss everything about you, your presence, your smile, your sense of humor and your unconditional love.
Christopher, I want you to know how much I have loved you, and how much I continue to love you. Your loss has broken my heart, but I am grateful for, and proud of the fact that I can say I am your father.
I look forward to the day, if I am so fortunate, when we can hug one another again, and I can kiss your cheek and tell you how much you mean to me.
With love,
Dad
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| 2/2/2007 Remembering Chirs on Groudhog's Day |
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If there is one holiday that I can relate to Chris, it is Groundhog Day. Here is the story of how the Groundhog Day tradition started in our family; it started with Chris. It was February 2nd, 1993, Chris was 4 and in preschool at the time. I was running late; late for work or late to take Chris and Will to preschool or late for both, I just know that I was late.
I called upstairs for Chris and Will to come down so we could be on our way. I was at the front door and waiting. The boys came down the steps. When I turned around to look at them as I was opening the door, there was Chris on the third or forth steps from the bottom, dressed in his suit. William was dressed in his normal preschool attire, but Chris was in his suit, dark with pinstripes, the only suit he owned. Well, I was irritated, we were already late and a suit was surely not appropriate attire for preschool, at least not the preschool where the boys went, they played outside and Chris would surly look out of place to the other children. I looked at Chris, knowing that we would be even later now because now we needed to wait while he change his clothes, and said with an annoyed tone; “why are you wearing your suit”? Chris replied, with great excitement,” Mommy, it is a holiday, it is Groundhog Day.” Well still in a hurry I promptly sent Chris up to change into something more appropriate for preschool.
Later that day, when my mind was no longer rushing, I though back to the morning and felt horrible for the way I had acted; for a naive child only knows about the world what they have experienced. Chris surely did not remember Groundhog Day from last year, and the most recent holiday he could remember in his young mind was Christmas and, he had worn his suit for Christmas. I am sure he must have deduced that you wear suits for special days like holidays, so he got up, excited that it was a holiday and put on his suit.
I had not only spoken to him in an annoyed tone, I had ruined his enthusiasm and excitement about the holiday and had not let him wear his suit; he was also excited at the prospect of wearing his suit. Well once you have done something, there is no going back, so the best that I could do was to try to renew his excitement so I decided that we would have a Groundhog Day party.
When I got home from work, I made a cake, a Groundhog cake. Not in the shape of a groundhog, as this is far beyond my artistic ability and they did not make groundhog molds, at least they didn’t in 1993, but a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting on top to resemble dirt. The groundhog saw his shadow in 1993 so on the top of the cake I drew a groundhog, sun overhead and his shadow beneath him. I looked at a photo in our outdated encyclopedia for reference when drawing the groundhog, and what a drew only slightly resembled a four legged critter at best, but the kids all knew it was a groundhog and that was what mattered. After dinner we read about groundhogs, the history of Groundhog Day and ate our ground hog cake. So the tradition started…….,
Some years, when there was snow on the ground, the cake had white frosting, some years one of the girls made the cake or did the groundhog drawing, and when the groundhog did not see his shadow the groundhog appeared on the cake surrounded by spring flowers. There was always a cake, chocolate of some type, and always discussion about the groundhog and history of Groundhog Day.
So if you can’t wear your suit for Groundhog Day make and eat a groundhog cake to celebrate enthusiasm for life, the coming of spring, the sweet innocence of children and in memory of Chris.
Remembering Chris, 2007 Groundhog Day
No shadow this year Chris, so supposedly summer is just around the corner though it does not look like it today, 2/3/07. Here are photos of our Groundhog day Cakes we made thing of you and also a photo of Lealand in his his Groundhog day "suit." Thinking of you as always, Love Mom.
The photo is of Chris's nephew, Lealand, remembering Chris this year by dressing in his "suit."
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| 2/14/2007 Chris's 1st Valentine's Day in Heaven |
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My days once filled with happiness, laughter, and anticipation are now are now reserved for introspection. I retreat to a quiet, pensive state of mind. This is my time to remember Chris’s life, time to reflect on all that has happened and time to try to make sense of things and figure out how to go on.
Today is Valentines Day, a bittersweet day. A day to remember the love and joy Chris brought into my life and a day to grieve all that has been lost.
For 18 years Chris was such a precious and essential part of my everyday life. I loved him dearly from before he was born; I gave birth to him, and I nurtured him, and so much of what I did in my life I did because of or for him. I know I truly I loved him as much as any mother could ever love her child. He was a wonderful child, teenager, son, friend and employee and was growing into a wonderful young man. He taught me about unconditional love, taught me not to be so judgmental and helped me to learn to behave more rationally. He taught me with kindness and was never condescending. He liked me to hug, hold, and console him when he did not feel well and he could always make me feel better when I was sad or upset. He was witty and always fun to be around; we did so many fun things together. I loved to just watch him; watch him work, watch him play, watch him do most anything. He was my emotional support, he could always make be smile, and he always forgave me for all my deficiencies. Often when I looked at him and thought about him I felt that he was a better person than I could ever hope to be. Chris had a kind and gentle spirit and had an amazing and genuine smile. He was a great listener and communicator and I was and still am so very proud him and proud of the man he was becoming.
Though I am so thankful and glad for the time that I had with Chris, those sweet memories will never be enough. For my son has a past, but no future here on earth. I can not look forward to coming home at the end of the day and seeing him, I can no longer look forward to laughing and having fun with him, playing with him, sitting on the sofa, watching him play video games, just seeing his smile, hearing his voice or feeling his touch. I will never again see his physical body, never again be able to touch or hold him, never be able to talk or laugh with him, never enjoy cooking for him again, never know the wife and children he would have had, and never be able to share with others and be so proud of all the things he would have accomplished. I miss so dearly all the special times that we shared and know that I will yearn for him everyday for the rest of my life for no day pass where I do not think of him hundreds of times. He is the first thing I think of when I wake up each morning, and I fall asleep each night praying for the time when we can be together again, and, while I sleep, I am so acutely aware of the tragedy that has befallen him.
These first few months, after the loss of Chris, I have found myself overwhelmed with sadness and hopelessness. I look at his pictures, beg and pray for answers to all those unanswerable questions. At times I am unable to comprehend what has happened and try desperately to make sense of things, but find no answers. (Why you Chris? Why did this have to happen? Why my son? Why did this happen to such a good person with so much life, so much to live for, so many hopes and dreams and to someone who had so many people loving and depending on him?) Then there are the “what if’s” and “only if’s,” yet I know that it is too late; to late to change the events that led up to the tragedy. I find myself questioning if I will really survive this tragedy and then often not really even wanting to. I am desperate for and pray for “the miracle” that all bereaved parents want and pray for; but I know those prayers will go unanswered. I sometimes wish for relief from my mental anguish, but then feel guilty for this wish because relief of the anguish also feels like a betrayal of the love I have for my son. I read all that I can in hope of finding unquestionable proof that my son lives on but the only thing that I discover beyond a doubt is that there are so many other parents suffering with this same unbearable grief. And, though I know I must face reality I still find that I am in a constant state of disbelief. Still waiting for him to call, still expecting or still hoping to see him to walk in the front door, still looking for his truck riding down the road, or expecting to see him in his room, in bed or on his computer when I walk in. All the while I really knowing that my beautiful, fun, friend and son that loved me unconditionally is no longer here on earth with me.
When I cry though, I don’t just cry for my loss, I cry for what he has lost, I cry that he had to experience death in the way that he did, I cry for the life he wanted, for all he still wanted to do and be a part of, for the wife and children he wanted so desperately to have and for what the rest of the world has lost when they lost him.
I find myself forced, forced to live a life that I could never have imagined. Everything I knew and planned for my life and Chris’s life is no more. I am lost, not knowing what direction to go. Each day seems like such a challenge yet I know that Chris would not want me to be sad and would want me to go on with my life and be happy. But the pain, the pain of moving forward without him is so immense. As each new day, month and season comes, I am sad, sad because the world goes forward without my son. Sad because I go on without my son. This should be Chris’s world… Chris’s time… not mine. The world changes, things move forward and Chris, my son is left behind and will never experience anything else the world has to offer. He will never be more than 18, he will never graduate from high school, and will never experience anything that happens or anything that the world has to offer beyond the morning of December 19th 2006. My precious son will never know the world that I live in now.
Even knowing the grief that I must endure now I am still thankful for every moment that I had with Chris and would never trade it for a life where I did not have Chris and did not have to bear the grief I now endure. The happiness and love he brought, and the lessons he taught me, so many tender moments, make it all worth while. Much of whom I am now and how I view the world today is a result of my life with Chris. He is still with me, in my heart, thoughts and spirit, and knowing him and having experienced him and my current situation defines not only my thoughts but also my actions, so in many ways he still lives; only he lives through me now. For the moment I am willing to survive because I know that my survival ensures Chris’s survival and the survival of all those memories that only I have of Chris. So for now I must live everyday, if not for me, at least for Chris.
So, I must go out into the world and pretend or act as if I am OK even when I am not. But I must take each day one at a time, for though I know where I have been I don’t know where I am going. What I do know is that I want to try to live a life that is a tribute to my son and a life that will make him proud of me. I am however, looking forward to the time that we can be together again and I take comfort in knowing that each passing day does brings me one day closer to that day.
Chris's Mom
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| April 8th, 2007, Chris's First Easter in Heaven |
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HAPPY EASTER CHRIS
We Love you and are thinking of you as always. We wish so much that you could be here with us.
Love, Mom & Dad
Chris, hope they have those Easter Egg hunts with the prizes you always liked in heaven.
I remember a few years back mentioning to you that you were getting big for egg hunts, but you disagreed and never let me quit. I always got a six pack of your favorite cream soda for a prize and always hoped you would find the egg for the cream soda prize. If you didn't you would always swap with someone for it.
You never let me quit hiding eggs for you and I will miss it so much this year.
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| March 28th, 2007 Chris's 1st Nephew's 1st Birthday |
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Uncle Chris, I wish were here with me to Celebrate my 1st Birthday! |
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| April 19th 2007 |
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Four months (1/3 of a year) today.
Chris, you are the first thing I think of each morning when I wake, I think of you all day long as absolutely everything reminds me of or makes me think of you, I fall asleep each night praying for your happiness and for the day that we can be together again, and I dream off you where I can see your smile, hear your voice and feel your touch, and laugh with you.
Nothing can or will ever be the same without you here with me and I know I can only be truly happy when I am with you again. I love and miss you so........
Mom
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| 5/30/07 |
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Christopher, my wonderful son, I want you to know that I think of you constantly.
William and I drove up to the site of your accident this Memorial Day weekend, and I feel so devastated. I do not want to go there, but I do not want to leave there either. I sift through the small amount of remaining debris looking for something, anything, that might have been yours even though I know there is nothing left but small scraps of metal, rubber and plastic, so I mostly walk in circles and cry.
Your memorial cross that your Uncle Steve built with such skill and care still looks wonderful, your name that Erica painted on your cross looks perfect, The picture with your handsome face is still intact and weather-tight.
I go into meetings for work, and someone might say something and I will just start crying, sometimes I am at my desk and I will start to cry, I cry while driving my car and riding my bike...everything reminds me of you. I am a shell of my former self.
I am trying to comfort and care for mom as much as I can, I love her so much, and I know how much she meant to you, and you to her. I am doing the best as I can, and I always will. Mom and I both pray for a sign from you, anything, just a sign that you are ok, that you are in a better place. If we know that, hopefully we will begin to heal. We are looking for you every day and night in our dreams and thoughts.
School will be out next Tuesday, and we will never get to see you graduate High School. I have always had pictures in my mind of hugging you when you graduated and telling you how proud I am of you. We have no pictures of you from your Senior Prom, that was last week, I am so heartbroken, I feel so dead and sick inside. I can tell you that a couple of months ago, I thought I was moving forward in a positive direction, but I have come to the sad conclusion that I am just deluding myself. It is going to take much time and patience, and compassion.
I know that Mom and I will come out of this tragedy stronger, and hopefully with a better understanding of life and love. It is Mom's and my duty to remain the bearers of your memory, we are your legacy now. A legacy of unconditional love and friendship, a legacy of devotion and caring, and sensitivity.
Wherever you are now, we will eventually be together again for as long as you want, I feel deep down inside that people in the afterlife will and do move on just as in life here, so you are already ahead of me. Maybe you will become my mentor and teacher in the afterlife, that would be my hope and dream, to be reunited someday and continue the relationship we had. Until that time I am in pain and grief, but I know every passing day brings te possibility of us being together again just that much closer.
We love you so very much, and always will my son.
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| 6/26/2007 Just a few things to talk about.... |
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Christopher,
Your brother William shipped off to basic training at Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri yesterday, which was a bittersweet experience and I wish you could have been there to send him off with me. I know he would want you there with him to say goodbye.
We visited mom at work for a little while. I wanted to have a nice relaxing, stress free lunch with William, but we had to do some scrambling for some last minute paperwork (he did not have his diploma!) in order for him to be processed.
We ended up having a quick bite at Wendy's.... I am sure you would have appreciated the amount of food that we quickly devoured (2 Baconator meals and large drinks) in about 10 minutes.
Abigail had her left leg operated on today, she has ruined both of her rear cruciate ligaments and I have been literally carrying her everywhere ( she was up to 104 lbs before I put her on a diet) for over 5 weeks now. She did well with the surgery and will have her next surgery on the right leg in one month. She will require five months of therapy and recovery, I know you would help me with her, you always would....
I was contemplating having her put to sleep 2 weeks ago and I have hated to see her having so much trouble, but I know that you would not want me to give up on her without a fight, so mom and I going to give her every chance to recover and try to have a good life, after all she is only going to be 7 this year....
It is so difficult to function "normally". I am so confused, and it is so easy to distract me from anything I am doing.
Almost every waking minute of my day are filled with thoughts of you.
I miss you so much, the pain is still unbearable.
Please watch over your mother, she misses and loves you so much.
I love you buddy,
Dad
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| 7/12/2007 Fond memories... / Kara (Aunt) |
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Fond memories... / Kara (Aunt)
I remember one summer day you and William were outside playing Mancala on the deck. You both had to be around 9 or 10 years old - so innocent and playful. I came outside to talk and see who was winning. I believe it was William since he was always very good at that game. Nonetheless you were having a good time and were getting excited because you thought you might be able to beat him.
Out of nowhere, you stopped playing and bluntly asked me when Mike and I were getting married! I remember asking if you would like it if we were married and you said “yeah, you’d get to be my Aunt.” You brightened my entire day and I walked away thinking too, how nice it would be.
I remember another time when you and William came down to play Pictionary. We always popped up a huge bucket of popcorn to eat and opened all kinds of soda. You and I were on a team against Mike and William and they were beating us very, very badly. I remember you getting the word “air head” and proceeding to draw me the picture. I had absolutely no clue what you were drawing and you were desperately trying to get me to guess the correct answer. Your eyes got so big when I came close and you were pointing like crazy to your drawing. I had to chuckle to myself of how hard you were trying and I still couldn’t get it. When you revealed the answer, you told me it was the picture on the candy bar “air heads.” I told you I had never had them before and you said I should try them that they were good. Neither one of us was very skilled at that game. We didn’t win but we still had a lot of fun trying!
Another time you brought down a Nintendo and I wanted to give it a try. You had on some kind of fighting game and I was horrible at it. You were beating me so badly and finally asked if you had some kind of game that I had a slight chance of winning. You didn’t have a problem with changing games and you put in a racing game. I sat down beside you and would lean over and bump into you just to make you wreck. I remember you staring so intently at the screen as you maneuvered your car around the track. You still beat me. We then decided to play and see who could have the best wrecks. We would get up a lot of speed, slam into each other, run each other off the road, and smash into buildings while knocking into each other as we sat on the floor. We would laugh so hard and make so much noise. We really did have a great time.
I look back on those and many more fond memories of you and smile. You were so kind and smart, even at such a young age. I always knew you would grow up to be a wonderful person. I think of you often and miss you very much.
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| 7/14/2007 Remebering when we danced...... |
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Chris,
As I lay in bed each night I close my eyes and remember the feeling of holding you and the feeling of both of your hands in my hands as we danced........
I talked you into taking those ballroom dancing classes with me, and you agreed although you made me promise not to tell anyone as I am sure you figured your friends and others would give you a hard time. I told you that it would not be too many years until you would be attending the weddings of friends and maybe even your own and that girls really liked a guy that could dance so this would be a good skill for you to learn. I don't really think that this is what convinced you to take the classes with me, I think you really took them to make me happy, but you were such a good sport when we went and a far better dancer than I could ever hope to be. We were the only mother and son, all other couples were traditional, and so many people commented to me how wonderful it was that I had a son that would take these classes with me.
I always imagined that one day we would be at a wedding and that we would go out on the dance floor and show off those dancing skills that no one knew we had. I also imagined that many girls would be impressed by your dancing skills over the next decade. I never imagined that you would never get to even use these skills. None the less, I am so glad to have taken these classes with you. The memories of laughing together as we tried to master these skills, of holding you in may arms and your hands in mine are so precious. When close my eyes I can sometimes feel the feeling of dancing with you and look so forward to the day when I might dance with you again in heaven.
I miss and love you so and can't wait until the day when we can dance together once again.
Love, Mom
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